Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
