So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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