Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
FUCK WHALES
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
