im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
