someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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