bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
