Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
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He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
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I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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