i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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