i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
