life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
