he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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