I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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