Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
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