he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
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I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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