Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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