I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
