I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Green mimosas i think yes
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
