I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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