I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
