Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
