Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
