I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
