im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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