Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Randomize
