You're my little dorito
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
