Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
