never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
