So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
