she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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