You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I love having hate sex.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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