When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
