Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I could fuck to npr.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
