I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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