Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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