Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
