question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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