oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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