woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize