That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Randomize
