With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
