I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
please come you make the beer taste better
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
