Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
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just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
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She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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