Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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