I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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