Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
