I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
