Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
