You really coming over, don't trick.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
