Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
