You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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