I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
