I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
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I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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