I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
