i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
