She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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