It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize