Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize