Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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