Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i love accidental penises.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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