Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
