I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
