If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize