i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
