maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
