The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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