i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Watching her eat just hurts me
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
