I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
