I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
