It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
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I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there