Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
