I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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