I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
