there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
