eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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