I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
