I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
