if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
