The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
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